It's the fourth day and I realize that I am fully in this now. Yes, I'm Tris and I am abnegation, except I'm not allowed the quick look after a haircut! Seriously. I went to get a haircut today. I made the appointment knowing I wouldn't be able to look at it until Saturday. I've never gotten a bad haircut from Roseanne, though, so I felt confident. She must think I'm a total freak, though. But all I know is that I'm not kidding about challenging myself, and this next year will be about going big or going home. Apparently it looks good, so says Hubbie. And Roseanne. And it feels great!!! I didn't do anything too drastic, but I did decide to go with bangs, which I haven't had in years, so... I just have to wait until Saturday to see it.
Other challenges today:
•I ventured out today- to work for a bit, then to the grocery store and library, and I noticed something. There are mirrors everywhere!!! Especially public bathrooms. And windows reflect, especially tinted ones. I've been averting my gaze a lot and closing my eyes. It feels odd to do this, but not in a bad way. I just feel very aware that I'm avoiding looking.
•I realized how often I check to see if there's food in my teeth. And I'm realizing it borders on obsessive. Weird.
•This morning, as I left from dropping my youngest off at school, she said with a snicker, "Mom, you don't look that good today." I know she was just messing with me, trying to be silly. But for a moment I was like, "Fuck!!! What's wrong? Is my hair crazy? My outfit weird?" And then I took a fucking breath and realized I didn't actually give a shit. But there was that moment when I did, and it's definitely telling.
Tomorrow will be a new day- traveling to AZ to visit family, which means a plane ride. And doing my new hair in the morning without being able to see how it looks. That will be challenging, since I haven't had this hair before. Maybe it will be a ponytail day. :D
Stray Dog Revolution